In a matter of hours I will have to walk into Southwest Bible Church in Beaverton with my good friends Mondo and Connie, among the many family members and friends who love and miss Nicole Laube. Tonight is her Memorial Service and I find myself unable to really articulate how I feel. I mean I am filled with sadness for her loss, anger for the person who took her from us, and fear of how I will feel when I am in the presence of so many people who are feeling the same way. But how do I really feel? I don't know. I feel so numb. I am still feeling utterly confused that someone murdered my friend. Why? What purpose did anyone have to do that? Things like this and moments like these are what make me lose faith in humanity. We've become a world, mostly a nation, of people who don't care about others anymore. We've taken value out of life, out of family, out of community and we're falling apart at the seams. There is so much ugliness in the world today, so much hatred, greed, and we lack love and compassion. But I won't give in to the majority, I will continue to smile and to love.
Today I have to say goodbye to a friend who was a beautiful mother and wife. I have to witness the sadness and pain in her kids faces. I am going to have to feel everything I have been holding inside. I know I will cry along with everyone else, and I will probably cling onto Mondo's hand and hug Connie. We will get through this just as everyone else will. One breathe at a time, one tear at a time, we're not alone in this. But instead of sulking in anger and sadness, and asking God why this happened, I am going to celebrate Nicole. I am going to remember that her memory needs to live on, for her kids, family, and friends. Nicole may not be here in body anymore, but she is most certainly here in spirit.
Nicole Laube, you are greatly missed but you will NEVER be forgotten. May you rest in peace, may your kids feel your love in their hearts for the rest of their lives, and may your family and friends find comfort and peace. We love you.
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| 4/10/85 - 8/19/14 |
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