a test of commitment, perhaps?

In a matter of a few weeks I will be beginning a new journey in my life. I'm ready for this, I'm excited for this, and I need it. But I fear that a part of me may be self-sabotaging before I even begin. I have gone four nights without adequate sleep. Mind you, I have no issues falling asleep, that I can do quickly. My issue is that once I hit REM sleep my mind seems to go into overdrive. By the time morning comes, I can recall 5-8 dreams in pretty good detail. It's these dreams that are causing the problems, they're too vibrant, too loud, too busy that I cause myself to wake up to stop it. It's the constant waking up, the feeling restless even when I am asleep that is causing so many issues. Problem is, I don't know why my mind is so restless. There really isn't any reason for it. This morning my physical body finally had had enough, exhaustion took over, and a migraine set in. My poor eyes hurt so much. So I ask you, am I subconsciously causing my body to betray me?

It doesn't help that my period has started and all that I have been craving is the crappiest of sweets! All I want to do is gorge myself with the highest caloric and highest sugar foods. My self-control, my will-power is pretty much non-existent at the moment. I don't get it! Well I do, but I'm frustrated. Times like these I hate that I am a woman. Men truly do not understand what we have to deal with. I'm sure they have their own body battles, but they don't have the extra hormones that we lovely woman have to battle with.

All of this could potentially make someone give up, but not me. I look for inspiration everywhere. I find motivation everywhere. I keep wanting to eat healthy, and learn about newer ways to be healthy because of my roommate, Leada. Reading blogs about other people's experiences, especially a friends (Connie) blog inspires me. Knowing I have a place (DailyMile) to go and share my workouts, ups and downs, motivates me. Knowing that I have someone who is with me (Jennifer) every step of the way keeps me positive. Mind over matter. Mind over matter. Mind over matter. I got this!

I rather believe that I am being tested. And this test, I will pass...