is ready to begin

Tomorrow is my meeting with my personal trainer/ running coach, Jennifer. It feels like it has taken this day forever to come, but alas it is here and I couldn't be more excited! Tomorrow is just a preliminary meet, talk days and time, I'm assuming measurements and such as well. She wants to squeeze in a complimentary 30-40 minute workout too! I couldn't have picked a better time to start this, I refuse to allow the upcoming holiday feasts cause me to gain weight! So stay tuned...

a test of commitment, perhaps?

In a matter of a few weeks I will be beginning a new journey in my life. I'm ready for this, I'm excited for this, and I need it. But I fear that a part of me may be self-sabotaging before I even begin. I have gone four nights without adequate sleep. Mind you, I have no issues falling asleep, that I can do quickly. My issue is that once I hit REM sleep my mind seems to go into overdrive. By the time morning comes, I can recall 5-8 dreams in pretty good detail. It's these dreams that are causing the problems, they're too vibrant, too loud, too busy that I cause myself to wake up to stop it. It's the constant waking up, the feeling restless even when I am asleep that is causing so many issues. Problem is, I don't know why my mind is so restless. There really isn't any reason for it. This morning my physical body finally had had enough, exhaustion took over, and a migraine set in. My poor eyes hurt so much. So I ask you, am I subconsciously causing my body to betray me?

It doesn't help that my period has started and all that I have been craving is the crappiest of sweets! All I want to do is gorge myself with the highest caloric and highest sugar foods. My self-control, my will-power is pretty much non-existent at the moment. I don't get it! Well I do, but I'm frustrated. Times like these I hate that I am a woman. Men truly do not understand what we have to deal with. I'm sure they have their own body battles, but they don't have the extra hormones that we lovely woman have to battle with.

All of this could potentially make someone give up, but not me. I look for inspiration everywhere. I find motivation everywhere. I keep wanting to eat healthy, and learn about newer ways to be healthy because of my roommate, Leada. Reading blogs about other people's experiences, especially a friends (Connie) blog inspires me. Knowing I have a place (DailyMile) to go and share my workouts, ups and downs, motivates me. Knowing that I have someone who is with me (Jennifer) every step of the way keeps me positive. Mind over matter. Mind over matter. Mind over matter. I got this!

I rather believe that I am being tested. And this test, I will pass...

time to start over

I know it has been quite a while since I have posted anything. Unfortunately, I haven't had much to type about and sadly no success in the running department. It turns out what I thought was just a bad rolling of my ankle, was a tear in some tissues. I'm still dealing with inflammation and some discomfort. My walking abilities are fine, jumping and moving around are ok but in no way am I able to run very long or even wear shoes that allow my heel to be higher than the ball of my foot. This has been a very frustrating time for me. The lack of running and exercising has made me lazy, and though I have managed to still eat fairly well and not gain a bunch of weight back, I still feel inadequate! You know that saying, "you have to hit rock bottom"? I think I came pretty close, self-doubt, lack of self-esteem, frustration, etc etc, it all set in. Yesterday I noticed my ex-running coach had posted a success story of one of her clients. There were before and after photos, stats, and the means of how this remarkable lady accomplished her goals. I saw this, and for a moment became very upset because I knew deep down there is NO reason why I can't accomplish what this lady has!

After some deep thinking, and several chats later, I contacted my running coach, Jennifer, and told her I needed her help!! Jennifer is an amazing woman, and talking with her alone is motivation! She does more than coach in running, but is also a personal trainer. I've seen several of her clients success stories, and those of her co-workers, but for some reason this particular client struck a chord with me! Starting in December I will be training with Jennifer twice a week until I reach my goal. Everything in my life will be changing, and for the first time I feel that I'm finally at a place where I know I will reach this goal.

As for running, I still have every intention on getting back into it. According to my Dr. I need to strengthen my ankle and start out slowly, but there is no reason why I can't run again. I know with Jennifer's help, I will be able to sign up for the Shamrock 8k in March of 2011!! And I am determined to do this with accomplishing a personal best! So stay posted, come December, I'm sure I will have lots to post...