goodbye nicole

Last Thursday, as you may have read, I attended the Memorial Service of my friend Nicole Laube who was murdered on August 19th. Prior to attending the service I was quite nervous for many reasons. I wasn't sure how I would feel and act, and I hadn't stepped foot inside a church in quite a while. I knew that there would be a lot of praying and singing, and sometimes being in the presence of hundreds of others doing that can make me slightly uncomfortable. Well, I have driven by Southwest Bible Church a billion times and never really knew how big it was until I walked in. Over a 1,000 people attended Nicole's Memorial Service, most of them were family, friends, and acquaintances, but there were also those who heard of her death on the news and felt compelled to come and pay their respects. The media was there as well recording the service.

Mondo turns out couldn't come, I think the whole situation was a little too much for him to handle and so he stayed home with his partner for comfort. Connie and I found a spot among the masses to sit and watch a video montage of home recordings of Nicole and her family through the years of her growing up. We laughed at some, cried at some, smiled at others. Once the church filled up the family made their entrance through a side door and I finally couldn't hold it in anymore. Seeing her family made it so real at that very moment, my friend really is gone. The service began with a prayer which I found oddly comforting but also quite emotional. We than stood up as the band played four songs which many people joined in on singing along. Several family friends took turns sharing stories of Nicole's life, her best friend gave an emotional testament of Nicole and how strong she was, and then her parents took their turn followed by her husband. Because the service was taking place on what would have been Chris and Nicole's 4th Wedding Anniversary, he shared with us the gift that would have been presented to her. It was a memory book of photos that he had put into video with music. It was beautiful. We then ended the service with another message, prayer, and two more songs. In all it took 3 hours, probably the longest service I had ever attended.

As emotional as you can imagine this was, we laughed quite a bit. The stories we heard of Nicole as a child were incredible. The battles she had fought growing up for her life, three of them, and survived stronger each time are miracles. She never wavered, she always smiled and remained positive. People like Nicole are rare, what a gift she was. I left the service wishing I had known more about her before her death. That we had made those plans to get together again. I can sit here and wish for something that will never come to be, but instead I will be grateful for the time I did have and the memories I will always have. It is sad it takes a loss for you to remember how precious life is, and how short it can be for some. I have been making an effort to reconnect and spend time with friends whom I haven't seen or heard from in a while. I don't want to ever regret not having made time for someone I care about. I urge you to do the same.

not ready to say goodbye

In a matter of hours I will have to walk into Southwest Bible Church in Beaverton with my good friends Mondo and Connie, among the many family members and friends who love and miss Nicole Laube. Tonight is her Memorial Service and I find myself unable to really articulate how I feel. I mean I am filled with sadness for her loss, anger for the person who took her from us, and fear of how I will feel when I am in the presence of so many people who are feeling the same way. But how do I really feel? I don't know. I feel so numb. I am still feeling utterly confused that someone murdered my friend. Why? What purpose did anyone have to do that? Things like this and moments like these are what make me lose faith in humanity. We've become a world, mostly a nation, of people who don't care about others anymore. We've taken value out of life, out of family, out of community and we're falling apart at the seams. There is so much ugliness in the world today, so much hatred, greed, and we lack love and compassion. But I won't give in to the majority, I will continue to smile and to love.

Today I have to say goodbye to a friend who was a beautiful mother and wife. I have to witness the sadness and pain in her kids faces. I am going to have to feel everything I have been holding inside. I know I will cry along with everyone else, and I will probably cling onto Mondo's hand and hug Connie. We will get through this just as everyone else will. One breathe at a time, one tear at a time, we're not alone in this. But instead of sulking in anger and sadness, and asking God why this happened, I am going to celebrate Nicole. I am going to remember that her memory needs to live on, for her kids, family, and friends. Nicole may not be here in body anymore, but she is most certainly here in spirit.

Nicole Laube, you are greatly missed but you will NEVER be forgotten. May you rest in peace, may your kids feel your love in their hearts for the rest of their lives, and may your family and friends find comfort and peace. We love you.

4/10/85 - 8/19/14

one on one: day seventeen

I went to bed last night feeling pretty sore and thinking that todays session would just plain suck. Then I woke up and logged in and saw that the WOD for the day was "Fight Gone Bad" which I did once before back in July 2013. I was a little bummed because I would miss this WOD since I have other plans for this evening and figured my session with Joon would entail something else. Will it did not, in fact, as soon as Joon learned I would not be back this evening he said that todays session would be "Fight Gone Bad" and I was both excited and scared. The last time I did this WOD my rep count was 137, mind you I had only been doing CrossFit for about a month and half and it was heavily modified. Today I did the WOD, and not only did I RX it but I PR'd it by 41% and got 193 reps. I can not express how unbelievably surprised and happy I am. Joon gave me a goal of 200 reps and though I was like "sure" in my heart I didn't think I'd get that high. I just wanted to beat my old record. So here is what "Fight Gone Bad" is:

Three Rounds of (1 Minute @ Each Station):
Wall Ball 14#
Sumo Deadlift High Pulls (SDHP) 45#
Box Jumps 20"
Push Presses 45#
Row (for calories)
Rest 1 Minute
(These weights are for women)

I surprised myself with getting 21 wall balls in the first round, I moved without stopping and even got low on my squats (yay!). Joon and I believed the SDHP and push presses would be where I would excel but I found them the hardest part of this WOD. I couldn't do more than 3-5 reps at a time, and I can easily blame it on being sore or tired but I am not exactly sure why it was so hard. This whole thing sucked! I was consistent with my rowing and have definitely gotten more efficient at that. And I didn't do one step-up on the box jumps, I jumped the entire time. I'd say overall I am pretty impressed with myself and glad that Joon had me do this WOD. I know next time I will do more than 200 reps!

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day sixteen

I typically have plenty to say but I am at a loss of words right now. This has been somewhat of a trying week and I find myself with little energy to try and find something to share. So I will lead right into what I did in today's session:

Warm-up: 500m Row

Extended Warm-up:

     8 x 20m Skip

     4 x 20m (3) Overhead Walking Lunge + (1) Overhead Squat

Terrible 2's

In 2 minutes complete 2 rounds:

     100m Row (sprint)

     2 Burpees

     2 Slam Balls (20#)

x2 (1st time had 19 seconds left, 2nd time had 26 seconds left)

Rest 5 minutes

50 Elevated Sit-up/Ball Toss

Then,

     5 minute AirFit Cool Down

I am appreciative of Joon's help and have definitely noticed changes in myself. I was pretty proud of myself in completing the Terrible 2's portion within the 2 minute time cap. And that I did all of the lunges with no knee pain. I hope to have more to say in my next posting, until then, be sure you hug your loved ones often!

one on one: day fifteen

Today was my first one on one session since the competition and as promised, Joon took it up a notch. After working with me for several sessions we had the ability to see where I stand when faced with the clock of a competition. We discovered that I am fully capable of pushing myself, that I am strong, and what needs to be worked on. So before todays session went into full swing we redid my Strength/Weakness/Objective list.

My list with Coach Joon's add ons.

The truth is I really loved competing, even if I came in second to last. I know what I really suck at, what needs work, and what I am proficient at. I do have the bug to compete again, when? Well that all depends on someone else (Beth). So my focus is now to work as if everything I do will help me get stronger and better for a future competition. And so this is what we did today:

Warm-up: 800m Row

Extended Warm-up:

     3 x 5 Squat Therapy

     3 x 5/10/15 Russian KB Swing & Goblet Squat (25#)

Jerk Dip 10 x 3 (Heavy)

     Attempted 135#

     Did 95#

3 Rounds:

     100m Row Sprint (All Out)

     Rest 30 Seconds

     10 Front Squats (Unbroken) 55#

     Rest 1 Minute

3 Rounds:

     For 2 minutes do:

     10 DB Snatches (20#, 25#, 25#)

     Then for the remainder of the time do Explosive Step-ups

     Rest 3 Minutes

The jerk dip was hard. I really wanted to go heavy as Joon wanted me too but my wrists weren't having any of it. I have a lot of work to do with my upper body mobility. I focus so much on my hips and legs that I have neglected my shoulders and wrists. It was far too painful with the weight on my wrist. So I cut the weight back and tightened my wrist straps. Though uncomfortable, it became much more bearable. Jerk dips are a strange movement, but they certainly got easier. The row sprints and front squats weren't so bad. I went light with the front squat because the focus was going unbroken. I wanted to give my right knee a chance to really warm-up and my wrists were feeling tired. As for the explosive step-ups, the first round was ok but the next two rounds really sucked. Even with a 3 minute rest period in between each set my quads were hating life. I really tried my best to get "comfortable with uncomfortable."

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

*There is no update on the case of my friends murder so far. After learning of her death yesterday morning, I decided to stay at work to keep myself calm. After work I choose to continue with my normal routine and go workout. It was one of those WODs that you knew you'd be hating it the minute the clock says 3, 2, 1 Go! But I am glad I did it, the entire time I kept Nicole in my thoughts and kept telling her this WOD was for her. I pushed myself to keep moving and to embrace the suck, because she embraced the suck to achieve her body building goals. Once the WOD was over a release of emotions came over me and it felt good to shed some tears. I took all of the pain and sadness I was feeling and channeled it into my movements. A part of me feels that maybe she was there helping me through it. RIP Nicole Laube.