when life gives you lemons...

Just a few days ago I felt like I had a billion and one things to share and I sit here tonight staring into the monitor of my laptop clueless on what to type. I do have much to share but I am at a loss of where to begin and what would be appropriate to share. Just a month ago I was walking on cloud nine, having accomplished my very first handstand, working on my wall walks, getting the gist of a kip, and most importantly learning I got accepted into Concordia University.

Well I haven't done another handstand, I have done a few attempts but I think the fear is rather strong. So I have been practicing kicking my legs up, trying to get use to the feeling of that motion. I think it is only a matter of time before I get use to it and do it on a regular basis. As for the kip, I keep working on it and I am getting the hang of it, though I haven't done a full kipping pull-up. I am not expecting that to happen in the very near future but it is something I am working on.

Something that I finally got back to doing are box jumps. I purchased some knee sleeves that I can double for shin protection and that helped ease some of the fear on getting back at it. Last Wednesday the WOD called for quite a bit of box jumps and at times I had to just do step-ups as I didn't have any confidence but for the most part I did the jumps. Feels good to be back at it, but I think it will be a while before I am completely at ease again.

So my biggest piece of news has to do with my continuing education. I have recently learned, without delving in too personally, that my financial aid will no longer be helping me. In other words, as of right now I will not be going to Concordia to begin working on my Bachelors Degree in January. I am not sure if I will at any point in fact, and I can not express the disappointment I feel right now. At this moment I am not entirely sure what I will do, what my choices really are, but I know that with every closing of a door another one opens. I am trying my best to hold on to that thought and believe in it. I know this isn't the end of the road for me.

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

experiencing a little fear

In a matter of 3 weeks I will begin my first term in the Fitness Technology program at PCC. I'm really excited to be starting a new chapter in my life and hopefully on the road to a more successful and happier career. I have been so busy for the past couple of months trying to get everything to fall into place that I haven't really taken a moment to sit back and really take in the gravity of what is happening around me. On top of getting everything situated for me to enter this program, I had signed up to participate in the CrossFit Open, I am still currently taking a class through PCC via online, and I am still hosting monthly fitness challenges for myself and others. I don't feel like I have had any down time where something wasn't plaguing my mind. Last night as I laid in bed I took a few minutes to clear my mind of everything else and thought about what I am about to pursue. I allowed myself to revel in the excitement of getting accepted into the program, getting my appeal to financial aid approved, and having many of my past credits transfer over. But what I did not expect was to feel fear. For a moment, and even right now, I am scared that I am making a wrong decision. Whether it be, will I like what I get out of this experience or will this hurt me financially later down the road. Finding CrossFit has changed my life, for the better, and I can not imagine not having it anymore. I like the rush of excitement when I hear the clock countdown to go, I love how my body is changing and how much stronger I have become, but most importantly, I am amazed at how confident I have become. Not just in CrossFit but in every aspect of my life. I decided to take the road to becoming a physical trainer, and hopefully later a CrossFit coach, because I want to help the other Nikki's of the world out there to find themselves the way Joon and Tony (and my many box mates) have helped me find myself. I guess my fear is, will I be able to? I suppose only time will tell but I am definitely look forward to all that I will learn in the next two years. And more importantly, I look forward to see who I will become when I am done.