fran & updates

Today I went to CFST, probably for the first time ever on a Sunday. I am not sure why I never went before, especially since it is a Benchmark class. We worked on Fran today, and I have to be honest, I hate Fran. Anything with thrusters will always make me cringe. But I will be honest, I was relieved to learn we had no running in todays WOD. I really did not want to run again after yesterdays WOD. Anyway, the last time I did Fran I only did 55# and the ring rows. Because I don't like thrusters I don't work on them very often, which translates to my not being very efficient with them. Today though I decided to do the RX weight of 65# to challenge myself a little more. Especially since I KNOW I can do that weight. My pull-ups are banded ones and I typically do those when pull-ups are in the WOD but because we were trying to get the best time possible with Fran, I stuck with ring rows and focused on beating my time from August. Well ladies and gents, I am pleased to say I beat my time by 36 seconds. It was a great feeling!! I suppose it is time to really work on becoming more efficient with my thrusters and continue working on my pull-ups.

In other news, I have done some updates to my blog. Because I really want to keep track of my progress in some areas, I want a better way to know if the time I post under "Personal Records" is a modified WOD or RX. So from now on when I post a time, I will place a "M" to signify that it was a modified WOD. I also created a new tab, personal records notes, where I can keep notes on the WODs that I do modify. This way I can keep track of exactly what it was I modified within that WOD. This is more for me but since I know quite a few of you do read what I post, I figured I'd let you in on the changes you may notice.

I continue to thank everyone who has, who does, and who will support me. It is much appreciated.

This photo was taken from Pinterest

when life gives you lemons...

Just a few days ago I felt like I had a billion and one things to share and I sit here tonight staring into the monitor of my laptop clueless on what to type. I do have much to share but I am at a loss of where to begin and what would be appropriate to share. Just a month ago I was walking on cloud nine, having accomplished my very first handstand, working on my wall walks, getting the gist of a kip, and most importantly learning I got accepted into Concordia University.

Well I haven't done another handstand, I have done a few attempts but I think the fear is rather strong. So I have been practicing kicking my legs up, trying to get use to the feeling of that motion. I think it is only a matter of time before I get use to it and do it on a regular basis. As for the kip, I keep working on it and I am getting the hang of it, though I haven't done a full kipping pull-up. I am not expecting that to happen in the very near future but it is something I am working on.

Something that I finally got back to doing are box jumps. I purchased some knee sleeves that I can double for shin protection and that helped ease some of the fear on getting back at it. Last Wednesday the WOD called for quite a bit of box jumps and at times I had to just do step-ups as I didn't have any confidence but for the most part I did the jumps. Feels good to be back at it, but I think it will be a while before I am completely at ease again.

So my biggest piece of news has to do with my continuing education. I have recently learned, without delving in too personally, that my financial aid will no longer be helping me. In other words, as of right now I will not be going to Concordia to begin working on my Bachelors Degree in January. I am not sure if I will at any point in fact, and I can not express the disappointment I feel right now. At this moment I am not entirely sure what I will do, what my choices really are, but I know that with every closing of a door another one opens. I am trying my best to hold on to that thought and believe in it. I know this isn't the end of the road for me.

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

i am alive

I know I haven't blogged since around Thanksgiving but I promise to post something substantial this weekend. I have lots to share of great moments and milestones. I hope you all have been well and keep an eye out for an update posting soon!

Love,
Nikki

thankfulness

Thanksgiving is a holiday where we think about and express the many things we are grateful for. Granted we should always express our gratitude throughout the year for all that we have, experience, and the people who help make our lives that much better. But this is a great time for me to express my gratitude to a few experiences and people that may not hear it from me very often. So please take the time to read this and understand where I am coming from.

The parental units- as I should always be thankful for everything you do, and I am, this year has been an exceptionally rough one in many ways and your unlimited love and support has helped carry me through with my head held high. My love for you can never be fully expressed.

Tony & Joon- you both are two of the most influential people in my life. I look up to you guys and do my very best to sponge up as much as I can from everything you teach me. And there are not enough "thank you's" I can say to show you the gratitude I have for your kindness to me when things have gotten hard. Thank you, thank you, thank you... really there aren't enough.

To my boss- you are pretty much the best boss I have EVER had. Thank you for being flexible in allowing me to go to school and for keeping work fun.

Britt- when you approached me in class last Spring and brought up CrossFit, that sealed the deal to our friendship! Even though we don't get to hang out as much as we both would like, I am so absolutely thankful that you have been brought into my life. You're a beautiful person with such a gentle soul but I wouldn't dare get in a ring with you! ;) I promise to make a better effort to plan time for us because you are definitely someone I want to keep in my life.

Candace- you may be my newest friend but I feel like we are old buddies! I am beyond proud of you and all of your successes in such a short period of time. I love connecting with you and look forward to being challenged by you on continual basis- si?

CFST Family- there are so many of you that have in one way or another impacted my life in and outside of the gym. Whether it's helping me get a movement down, cheering me on for a PR, or taking the time to get to know me and what makes me tick. The friendships I have built in the past year and half will forever be treasured.

Experiences that I am thankful for:

- As many of you may remember my Mojo became ill this past summer and we had to make the hard decision to give him up so he could get the care he needed. But as the universe works in mysterious ways, he was given back to us and I still thank my blessings on that every single day. 

- Being accepted into Concordia University rather recently to begin working on my Bachelor's in Exercise Science is a million blessings.

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

knocking down limits

This week has been one of mini triumphs for me, both in and out of the gym. I am one more step closer to finding out if I will be attending Concordia this coming January, I should receive news in the first week of December. This is an enormous step for me, as it is the beginning of a future that can hold many opportunities for me and I am so excited about this!

As for my successes in the gym this week, I have goals that I am trying to meet and have begun working on them when I have time to spare. I have been stuck on the wall walks, only able to walk my legs up but not my hands back. One evening I decided to start working on trying to walk my hands back, at first it was just a shimmy. The next evening I tried I actually moved my hands back a step or two. The third night I gave it a go I got even closer, but that is as far as I got. Fear of falling backwards has been plaguing my mind. I also need to work on walking back out, I've been panicking and just falling to the side. This may not sound like a big deal but after almost two years of CrossFitting and only now making this sort of progress is a big deal to me.

The second thing that I accomplished was, somewhat, kipping. We had a WOD this week that had pull-ups, and instead of doing ring rows like I have the last several months, I did banded kipping pull-ups. In all honesty I had no idea if I was doing it right or not, I just moved however I felt my body would move to get my chin above the bar. I no rep'd myself a few times but still hustled through the WOD. Afterwards I asked Coach Joon how to kip and he told me that I was already doing it. Then it all made sense!

Lastly, I accomplished something that I never thought I'd do, like ever! I did my very first handstand!!! There are a lot of things I was able to do as a child and somewhere along the way I lost it all, as many of us do. After seeing my first WOD with HSPU, I thought to myself that I will always be modifying that movement. This is partly my not having any faith in myself but also thinking I am not strong enough to hold myself up. Well it took a few tries but with Coach Tony's help I did it and it was amazing and scary all at the same time. I wanted to practice them again tonight but after the FYF WOD, I felt far too beat up to even attempt it. I'll get back to it on Monday.

Tonight was also a triumphant night for me. I fought really hard, mentally, to keep moving through the suck. My quads were constantly on fire and my low back was flat out tired. And this wasn't even the hard part, the AirFit just about killed everyone. Naturally I am exaggerating here but when you do something that leaves you completely uncomfortable no matter what position you lay, sit, stand, or walk, you know it was a bad one! For this portion of the WOD we had to do 3 rounds for time, as fast as you can on the AirFit, 20 calories for the ladies and 30 calories for gents. I am impressed myself tonight by getting incredible times, times that blows all of my past times out of the water (23/32/39). All of my hard work with Joon is most certainly paying off. My biggest lesson this week and evening? That no matter what age or fitness level I am, I can knock down the limits I have set up for myself. I am able and I am willing.

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day thirty-six

I walked into the gym already feeling sore around my lats and triceps from last nights WOD. This made me nervous for what Joon had in store for me and it turned out he was planning to add to my soreness. With that classic Joon smile, he warned me that tomorrow I will be feeling this. So this is what he had me do:

Warm-up: Easy 5 min Row
Then,
8 x 1:00 min of:
     OHS 15#
     Mountain Climbers
     Farmers Carry 2 x 95#
     Dumbbell Snatches 35#
1- 14
2- 15
3- 16
4- 12
5- 15
6- 12
7- 15
8- 16
Time: 54:32

For this session the only reps that were counted were the snatches, otherwise the rest I just focused on moving the entire minute. There wasn't really a scheduled rest period but I would sometimes take my time going from one movement to the next, especially after the farmers carry where my hands began to burn pretty badly. It took me a good while to get it done, but I did it and finished it. The one movement that I struggled on and complained a lot about was the mountain climbers. Between struggling with my breathing on this movement and my legs giving out on me a lot, I hated every minute I spent on those!  I am sure I will be plenty sore tomorrow as I am already beginning to feel it now. Oh joy!

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day thirty-four

Given that today was a holiday and the gym was only having short hours, we still managed to have a session. I had to keep it short and sweet today to tend to other things before I headed into work (I did not get a day off like many of you did). Here's what Joon had me do:

Warm-up: Easy 5 min Row

Then,
3 Rounds, 1 min Rest after each round
     5 Front Squats @ 75#
     5 Power Snatches @ 75#

Then,
For Time- Grace:
     30 Clean & Jerks @ 65#
Final time- 2:47

It was a good day, though I did struggle with my power snatches a few times. The weight I did is only 10# less then my 1RM, which leads me to believe if I did 15 of them at 75# that 85# isn't my 1RM anymore. Then during my warm-up for Grace I managed to hit my chin with the bar, and well that sucked. Thankfully I didn't bite my lip this time, or break any kind of skin- yay- but I am still quite sore and will probably see a small bruise tomorrow. I did drop the bar about 3 times during Grace, but did my best to pick it right up. The last couple of days I've been surprising myself with pushing through the pain of breathing and yelling muscles and just continuing to move. I am most certainly making progress.

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day thirty-two & changes

The first thing you may notice is that I skipped posting about my day thirty-one of my one on one with Joon. There was a session, of sorts. There will be some changes happening as Joon and I have had to adjust our sessions for various reasons. We will still meet one on one once a week and then he will program something for me to do on my own on another day of the week. This will help me save  some time by posting about two sessions into one posting. On that note I will begin with last Fridays session:

Day 31:
Warm-up (2 rounds):
     200m Row
     10 Hollow Rocks
     10 Hip Extensions
     10 Banded Pull-ups
     10 Push-ups
     10 Pass Throughs
     10 OHS (pvc pipe)

Then,
BB Complex (20 rounds):
     3 Hang Snatches
     3 Push Press (Snatch Grip)
     3 OHS
*no shoes*

Joon wasn't there during this session but I felt pretty confident doing it all on my own. The BB Complex was with a 35# barbell and I felt good just working on my technique and feeling the movement through. After 20 rounds I was amazed by the amount of sweat I built up. I have gone from hating snatches to not minding them much at all. It's amazing how that happens. Though I promise you I will NEVER change how I feel when it comes to the AirFit... NEVER!

Day 32:
Warm-up:
     Easy 500m Row

Then,
A) For time (21-15-9):
     DB Snatches (20#)
     Jumping Squats
Completed time: 4:57

B) 10 x 5 Cal AirFit (20/10)

So for part A Joon stated that he wanted me to be in the 6 to 7 minute range. It was an endurance day and we've been working on my thresholds. He wanted me to work through the burn and keep moving. In my head I was thinking he was crazy that I would not finish it that fast, but as I promised him I would push as much as I could. The dumbbell snatches were doable without having to stop but because I am alternating arms from the ground, I am already squatting a bit. Moving onto the jumping squats was not a pleasant experience. At first I could only string two squats and half way through I managed to begin to string three squats. Every time I tried to do more I would come close to falling or I'd land straight legged. It was as if my legs were in complete control and dictated what was happening. With that said, I did push to not take such long breaks. I would pump out my three then shake my legs out and push out another three. I was breathing hard but focusing on controlling my breathes. When I finished my last set of nine, I was happily surprised with my time. I did much better then Joon had anticipated me to (though I am sure he knew I had it in me... as always). Part B of course sucked major ass! After a long break from part A, I had 10 rounds where I had 20 seconds to reach 5 calories then a 10 second rest period. But if I managed to get my 5 calories in less then 20 seconds, the longer the break would be. The first 3 or 4 rounds wasn't so bad, I was feeling pretty good. Then round 5 hit and I thought I was going to die. But I fought hard, probably the hardest I have ever on that stupid machine. My prize for completing it? An ass cramp, literally.

All in all I'm feeling pretty good and slowly getting back on a groove. Making small changes to the diet, planning some things ahead, and trying to soak as much as I can from Tony, Joon, and Emily!

Photo was taken from Pinterest.

filthy fifty

Last year December I did the Filthy Fifty at CrossFit Stumptown for the first time- it sucked. But I managed to get it done in 33:26, modified of course. It's been almost an entire year and the WOD resurfaced today. I battled with the thoughts if I should do or not since I already worked out this morning with Joon. But I really wanted to do it again and beat my time. I know the last time I did it I did step-ups instead of box jumps, did single unders instead of double, and I am not sure how I modified the knees to elbow. If I hadn't fucked up my shin a week ago I think I could've done the box jumps but jumping on a box isn't something I really wanted to do yet... not prepared for it. Tony added a twist to this WOD by adding a time cap of 35 minutes and for those doing singles, instead of 3x it was 4x. Well ladies and gents, I mustered through the workout with the intent of beating my time and I am happy to say I DID! My new time is now 33:06 (modified).

Filthy Fifty: 50 reps each
Box Jumps 20/24 (I did jumps on 3 stacked 45# plates)
Jumping Pull-ups
Kettlebell Swing 25/35#
Walking Lunges
Knees to Elbow
Push Press 35/45#
Back Extensions
Wall Balls 14/20#
Burpees
Double Unders (I did 200 singles)

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day thirty

So I am 30 sessions in and today was definitely an ass kicker! After being off for a week in sessions and gym time (due to my little shin accident), my body is feeling quite tired and sore. Made it back last night and learned to kip a little which was exciting but killed my hands. This morning I was practicing my hand grip on a little hand held device and that was a big mistake. Joon had me doing stuff on the barbell and my arms were basically done. So here is what I accomplished today:

Warm-up: Row 800m
Then,
15x OHS @ 65#
30-sec Sprint on SkiErg: 125m
15x Hang Clean @ 65#
30-sec Sprint on SkiErg: 124
15x Push Presses @ 65#
30-sec Sprint on SkiErg: 121
15x Front Squat @ 65#
30-sec Sprint on SkiErg: 120

Then,
Increased the weight to 75# and the reps down to 10x
30-sec Sprint on SkiErg: 121
30-sec Sprint on SkiErg: 122
30-sec Sprint on SkiErg: 116 <-- that was a tough one
30-sec Sprint on SkiErg: 123

My hands, arms, and shoulders were pretty much toast. But I still managed to go back this evening and that will be a different posting. I felt fairly good and I hope to only keep improving!

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

update on shin, school, and diet... oh my!

So if you haven't already read, heard, or seen it, a box jumped out and bit me a week ago while I was doing box jumps. The right shin faired it pretty well, it's pretty much healed now and the only evidence is discoloration and slight soreness to the surrounding tissue and bone. But my left shin isn't so well. Thankfully no infection has set in, I am diligent on keeping it clean and letting it breathe. But wearing clothing over it is irritating the fuck out of it. During breaks or when there are no patients in the office, I tend to hike up my pants to me knees to let the wound breathe and relax. I walk around looking all gangster at work now, it's pretty funny. Unfortunately this side got the brunt of the bite and the tenderness reaches as high as my knee (which also sustained some bruising). When putting on ointment I can tell that I still have nerve damage as I can only feel pressure but no sensation. I assume this is normal and once I'm done healing then feeling will come back... I hope. Because I'm on my feet most of everyday at work or sitting at the dining table working on schoolwork, my left ankle is now swollen and has some slight bruising going on. I am irritated to no end because all I want to do is feel normal and not have to be careful with my every movement to avoid hitting my left shin against anything or anyone. I can't jump or run which makes working out hard, doable but hard. I want the healing to be done with already and I want things to be as they were. Ahhhhh!

As for school, all is going well. I'm utterly fascinated with Geology now and learning more about what makes our planet tick. Besides volcanos, my favorite part is learning how all the continents were once one large one and how it broke apart. My Human Geography class is eh, the coursework is easy enough and some things are interesting but I'm not as impressed by it as I thought I would be. And lastly, my History of Religion in the US class is blowing my mind away. Learning how religion reached the America's and how it changed, branched off, and grew is quite interesting. Learning so much and confirming to myself that I have made the right decision on my own faith.

And the dreaded diet. This is probably the hardest part of living healthy. Trying to find something that works for you and figuring out how to balance it all. After my little ER trips this past July and learning that I had become allergic to soy protein really put a dent to my diet. Having to give up my protein bars that helped me so much in times where I couldn't sit down to eat something, or to fit in as a snack was great. But now I am having to find something else to fit in it's place and I am struggling. I know that I do not eat enough and that I don't always eat the best. More like I tend to have too much of one thing during a 24 hour period. I don't balance my diet well and when I try to plan my meals, everything and anything sets me back or off track. Thankfully there is this wonderful coach at CFST, Emily, who is helping. She had me track my diet for one week so that she can analyze it. I have finished my one week and am getting ready to send that off to her here shortly. I am hoping she can steer me in the right direction.

So other than my shins and diet, all is going well in my life. I look forward to CrossFitting again with all my gym mates and getting my diet back on track. And I hope all of you are doing well!

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day twenty-nine (day of boo boo)

Well todays been a painful day, and not painful in a sore from a WOD sense. But painful in a box tried to eat me for lunch sense. After CrossFitting for almost a year and a half, today I had my very first run in with a box. Not with one leg, but both legs. I was literally only two jumps away from being finished and BAM! Not a pleasant experience. My left leg took the brunt of the damage but both hit the box. Thankfully it didn't go deep to the bone but enough to expose the fascia (white meat). At first, besides the pain, there were no visual indicators that I hit. After a few minutes of trying to walk around and hold back in yelling from the pain, Tony had me lift my tights again and blood began to show up. The pain only escalated from there and it only took a minute or two for both spots to get bright purple. By this point Joon said I was done for the day and that we needed to clean my legs up. Walking for the first few hours after was rough, any jarring movement sucked. It's beginning to feel better to walk but touching the skin around the areas is exceptionally sensitive and hurts like hell, regardless of how light I touch. I hope that by Monday I will be back to WODing with no issues. Here is what I did manage to do today before my boo boo:

Warm-up:
10 min Row

5 x 10 Back Squats 100#
5 x 5 Box Jumps

This little incident will NOT stop me from doing box jumps in the future, but I am seriously considering on getting some sleeves for my lower legs. This way next time I have a mishap, besides bruised sore shins, there will be no breaking of the skin!

The photo was taken from Pinterest.

sugar is a son of a beast

Last year during the months of November and December I gave up refined sugar and unbleached enriched flour. In those two months I lost a little over 10# and felt amazing. I didn't revert back to old eating habit in January right away, if anything I tried to keep it up and continued to lose weight. Then life happened, not exactly sure what or when, but slowly the weight on the scale started to creep upward. Before I knew it this year is almost over and I am eating like shit. I don't feel good. And I feel guilty that I have lost complete control of my diet. I also don't think it is fair to Joon who has given so much of his time in helping me get better, stronger, and fitter. I am the only one to blame in this, and trust me I have had a good reality check with myself.

What I think caused me to fall off was my getting sick back in July with the stomach pain and learning that I was allergic to the soy protein in my protein bars. Those bars were helping me so much with satisfying me in between meals and as a great snack. With those out of the picture I am left with trying to fill those holes with healthy choices... add that I am utterly picky.

I am now three days in with no refined sugar, and I am miserable. I know once this part passes I'll be ok but I just want to feel better and not crave this crap anymore. I have had maybe two beers since July, and have decided to hold off on the alcohol for a while. I'm beginning to research different recipes and dishes and trying to cook up two different meals on Sunday to take for lunches during the week. That is helping me some. I like snacks though, I can't seem to find anything that doesn't have unbleached enriched flour, sugar, and that I like. Ugh... sugar really is a son of a beast! And dammit I will slay this pain in the ass beast!

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day twenty-eight

I walked into the gym this morning witnessing a class struggling through the WOD of the day, a FYF WOD. Immediately dread came over me because a part of me wondered if Joon was going to make me do this WOD. I didn't feel ready for that sort of work, it was far too early for me. But thankfully he didn't make do it. Here is what I did do:

Warm-up:

     5 min AirFit (easy)

     2 x 5 Wall Squat

     2 x 5 KB Windmill

     2 x 5 Samson Stretch

     50 Single-Unders

5 x 10 Sumo Deadlift @ 100#

6 x 10 sec "All Out" Row (48/49/50/51/51/51)

Rest 30 sec between

Rest 3 min

Row 250m "All Out" (0:51.4)

Rest 3 min

Row 500m @ 70% of 250m pace (1:56)

The warm-up was great and much needed! The deadlifts felt good and I felt strong. The rowing was going great until the end of the 500m. My gas tank was basically empty and it felt awful! Maybe I need to keep working on my rowing skills. ;)

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day twenty-seven

Today was the day for PR's! I woke up this morning to learn that the CFST WOD for the day was the CrossFit Football Total. Because I knew I wasn't going to be able to go back tonight for a regular WOD after my session with Joon, I was hoping that was what he would have me do. And it was! The last time I did this was back in July in a session with Joon. My total was 580, and I PR'd in two movements that day, and totally failed miserably in my Deadlifts even though that is typically my strong movement. Today I am happy to say I did much better and even increased my total by 85 points. Here's what I did:

Old CrossFit Football Total:
Power Clean- 110#
Back Squat- 175#
Bench Press- 100#
Deadlift- 195#
Total= 580

Today's CrossFit Football Total:
Power Clean- 115#
Back Squat- 200# (25# PR)
Bench Press- 105# (5# PR)
Deadlift- 245# (10# PR)
Total= 665

So needless to say I am quite happy with my numbers. I have improved them since the last time and even surprised myself in a couple of my movements. The disappointing one is the Power Clean. I know I can lift heavier but I keep doubting myself. It's quite frustrating but Joon has given me great pep talks and is a great encourager, I will get passed this.

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

joon, "f" you!

What?! I know what some of you may be thinking, but it's ok, Joon and I are in good terms. Today at Stumptown it is Fuck You Friday (FYF). It's a WOD that is on crack, and we push ourselves more than we normally would. After my session with Joon earlier today, he commented that if I came back in the evening to join my gym mates for the FYF WOD, I wouldn't be doing it. He had something different for me. Oh but what could that be?! So naturally, I went back and he introduced me to FYJ...

SkiErg, 100m Sprints, 10x (with 90 sec rest):
1) 23.3
2) 24.5
3) 23.4
4) 23.4
5) 23.7
6) 24.1
7) 24.7
8) 25.1
9) 24.9
10) 24.3

Not bad, I stayed fairly consistent but it absolutely sucked. By the end of the 10th round my arms were already feeling sore. At this Joon laughed and said, "wait until tomorrow." So again Joon, "F" you!

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day twenty-six

This has been a very busy week and besides Monday and my session on Tuesday with Joon, I hadn't been back to the gym until today. I can't remember the last time I missed so much CrossFit, other than being sick. Thankfully Joon took it somewhat easy on me and we spent our session outside at Buckman Field. If I decide to go back to the gym tonight to do the WOD, Joon has already explained to me that I wouldn't be. He's got something in store for me and given that it's FYF (Fuck You Friday), I'm sure it'll be something quite F'd up! This is what I did this afternoon:

2 x Jog
2 x Skips
2 x Lateral Skips/Carioca

Then,
4x
10 Front Squats (25# DB)
Run (there and back- I think it was 30 yards)

Then,
For time:
     30 DB Snatches
Finished: 1:03

A fairly easy session today and I felt good minus the fact that I forgot my water bottle and felt quite thirsty when it was done. My legs felt good, the jogging was not bad, and my squats felt really good. It was a good session.

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day twenty-five

So for the past week I have been having issues squatting fully without putting most of my weight onto my left leg. My right ankle hasn't been flexing without discomfort. This became quite apparent today when Joon had me do squat therapy and overhead squats. Not good. So with some mobility work and soon an adjustment, I am hoping we can nip this problem in the butt asap! So what did we do today? Structural work:

Warm-up: 500m Row
Extended Warm-up:
     Squat Therapy
     4 x 30/30 OHS + Hold
     4 x 30/30 Back Extension (GHD) + FLR (Bosu Ball)

Then,
     200m Row (Sprint) R1- 42.5, R2- 41.9, R3- 41.2
     10 KB Bottoms Up  Clean + Press (26#)
     Rest 2:00 Min
     x3
Overall Time: 10:00

Then,
     10 Cal AirFit (Sprint) R1- 16, R2- 14, R3- 15, R4- 16, R5- 15
     20m Farmer Carry (70#)
     Rest 1:00 Min
     x5
Overall Time: 9:12

Even with my ankle causing some issues, I am pretty happy with myself today. The back extensions were hard but felt good and I felt strong, and the FLR on the Bosu Ball went on without complaints. With the row Joon changed the damper each round, I started at 6, then 7, and then 8. I was expecting the 7 and 8 to feel hard but they didn't, I am definitely becoming more efficient with my rowing- YAY! As for the AirFit, I worked hard to make that devil of a machine my bitch, and I came close a couple of times. I am actually surprised at how well I did on it. Could I have done better? Of course but I'll take what I did and smile. Todays session overall felt good, my lungs are feeling better, and I think I kicked that cold in butt! :)

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day twenty-four

Fall term began last Monday and my body decided to take on a cold as well. Thankfully all of my classes are on-line this term, with only being required to attend a lab for Geology on Fridays. The majority of the symptoms didn't last very long and I am now just dealing with a cough, that is slowly going away. Unfortunately though I was too ill to have my session with Joon on Tuesday, so I rested. With this new term and having to have a lab on Friday, my work schedule had to shift which meant my sessions had to shift a bit as well. Instead of Tuesday/Thursday sessions, I will now have Tuesday/Friday sessions. I went back to CrossFit on Wednesday night, took Thursday night off, and had my session with Joon on today. He's a gifted one, knows the right amount of push without wiping me out completely. Breathing and energy level aren't 100% but I still feel like I got something done. Here is what was done:

Warm-up: 500m Row
Extended Warm-up:
     4 x 20m Skip
     4 x 20m Butt Kicks
     4 x 20m Jog

Then 2x,
     4 x 30/30 Goblet Squats (35#)
     *During rest period do 4 Lunges

Then,
"Tail Pipe" Ski 3x
     250m SkiErg (Sprint) R1- 1:08, R2- 1:08, R3- 1:03
     1:00 min KB Rack Hold

Ok first of all Joon sent me a text on what to do as he was going to be there at the start of our time together. He informed me to do the warm-up, extended warm-up, and the Goblet Squat. He obviously saved the best part for when he would be there. In the fog of my mind I somehow misread the Goblet Squat being 30/30 and ended up doing a whole round of 30 Goblet Squats when it became clear in my head that he meant 30 seconds on and 30 seconds off. Oops. On top of which I didn't catch that I was to do this twice. So pretty much screwed that all up- see Joon, you HAVE to be there! Anyway, the "Tail Pipe" is usually done with a partner and a rower. While one rows the 250m sprint, the other partner is holding the KB Rack Hold. But since I train alone and because we have a new toy in the gym, he modified it so that we did it on the SkiErg and I would hold the KB for a minute afterwards. It was awful, but most certainly not worse than the Triathlon. I think my times are good but given that I am still sick and put out decent times and even rocked out a better time on my third round, means I can do much better. I hope I don't start hating the SkiErg, cause I kind of was during this session. I think I should be back to normal by next week and hope to kill my WODs!

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

   

one on one: day twenty-three

I walked into the gym today still feeling pretty beat up from Tuesday's session. The primary area of soreness are my triceps, good lord did (still do) hurt! And let me add that I went back to the gym Tuesday night to join the class in the days WOD and ended up not finishing it. After the first round my shins decided to cramp up, both of them. Have you ever had shin cramps? Holy moly, I think those are worse than calf cramps. Anyway, here is what I did today:

Warm-up: 5 Min Easy Row
Squat Therapy
Then...

Work up to a heavy Sumo Deadlift (1RM 185#)
5 x 2 @ 80% of 1RM
Then...

Three Rounds:
250m Row + 2:00 Min Lateral Step-overs
1- 54.9 / 26
2- 54.1 / 30
3- 52.1 / 33
Then...

100 "Z" Presses (5 Atomic Sit-ups at each stop)

The squat therapy pretty much told me that my hips are still not open, that my ankle mobility sucks, and my knees are not tracking right. Boo! I thought I was getting better, I guess I need to get back to work on those. As for the Sumo Deadlifts, it was fun trying to find my one rep max. I didn't think I'd be able to get that heavy but was happily surprised when I got 185#. I have to admit that I am pretty impressed with myself in the Rowing and Step-overs segment of my session today. Each round I only got better, which still amazes me that it's possible to do when you are feeling out of breathe and tired. The final segment was the "Z" Presses and this was just plain mean of Joon! These are the reason my triceps are a million times more sore now. Thanks Joon!

Overall I felt good in todays session even though I showed up 5 minutes late and frazzled from traffic, as well as tired from not sleeping very well this whole week. I think taking Wednesday off also helped me recover and ready for today. Biggest thing I need to remember is to listen to my body and take time off when needed.

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day twenty-two

So Coach Tony, owner of CrossFit Stumptown, went to work on his Gym Jones certification a few weeks ago in Utah (I think that's where). While there, he learned a few things and decided to begin implementing them at his gym. Now I can not remember if I ever mentioned what Gym Jones is, but here's my take on it... it's CrossFit on CRACK! Seriously guys, it's crazy shit! Anyway, Tony came back inspired and ordered a SkiErg to add to his arsenal of torture devices (but in all honesty it's really not that bad) and has turned our Friday WODs into F.Y.F. WODs (F You Friday). His goal was to get all his members to do the Triathlon, which consists of 500m on the SkiErg, 50 calories on the AirFit, and 500m on the Rower. Last Friday was the moment of truth and I didn't show up! Actually, I had been going straight for 2 weeks of working out and was planning on taking a scheduled rest day. Though I knew neither Tony or Joon would allow myself (and Aaron) to sneak by this one. So for today's session with Joon, can you guess what he had me do? Yea. I think he's a tad bit sadistic. So here's the details:

Warm-up: Casual 500m Row
Practice on SkiErg

Triathlon:
500m SkiErg 2:14
50 Calories AirFit 4:13
500m Row 2:10
Overall Time: 9:05

To have an idea of what it looks like, click here to see a Gym Jones demo of the Triathlon. You are timed in each individual machine but as well as a total time. Your final time is total time (which includes transitions). So how did I feel afterwards? Oh man, I don't know if there are actually words to describe it. I had been hearing for the last few days the different experiences from many of my gym mates. Some that barfed, some who couldn't get off of the floor for about 30 minutes, to asthma attacks, and even coughing that lasts a day. This is meant to test you, you are to go as hard as you can without stopping.

I am not going to lie, this was hard. During the AirFit I wanted to give up, and I would've if it weren't for Joon and the ladies there rooting me on. The SkiErg isn't all that bad actually, I think it's just getting the technique down and knowing how and when to slow down. I was controlling my breathing and trying to stay consistent with my speed. (I did use my inhaler prior to starting this.) Moving to the AirFit is when the dread set in, if you haven't already picked up on it I hate that thing. I never look forward to using it and don't think I will ever be accepting of it. You are suppose to go real hard on this but from the get-go I couldn't, my quads were already burning from the SkiErg. The key is to not look at the screen, look down and push yourself. My hair was making me feel suffocated and my quads were yelling at me. By this point I began to get pissed, not at anyone but at this machine and at whomever came up with the Triathlon. I know I began yelling at the machine and swearing at it. The girls around me began laughing, but I was genuinely upset at it. Getting off of it was a bit challenging my I could have easily just collapsed to the floor, but I hurriedly made my way to the Rower and they tied my feet in and got me going. I know I stopped rowing a few times because my legs and arms were burning, and breathing became such a chore for me. But alas, as always I completed it. I literally rolled out of the Rower onto the floor moving about like a fish out of water. I couldn't focus in on any one discomfort, everything was yelling at me. I didn't barf and I didn't cry. It didn't make me sick like others and I am not experiencing any awful coughs. But the thing that it most certainly did was tax my nervous system. My arms and hands took a while to stop shaking. My mind felt foggy and confused for a bit too. I giggled a lot, but not at anything, I think it was like a side effect- like I was drunk.

What did I learn from this? That I absolutely without a doubt hate the AirFit. That I am capable of pushing myself. That I could have done better. That I am getting better at this stuff. And that I never ever want to do this again, EVER!

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day twenty-one

This will be a short and sweet posting. I am feeling a little unmotivated to come up with much detail to share this evening on my session with Joon today. Not that the session wasn't any good, it was fantastic actually. I'm just not feeling it tonight. Today was actually a recovery session, after Tuesday's brutal hour. We worked on teaching me how to rebound, which is something I don't think I have ever practiced before or am good at. It was a slow warm up to it but eventually I got the hang of the movement. I still need a lot of practice and my shins are a little sore. Joon had me rolling the bottom of my feet and my IT Band out often. Essentially there was a lot of jumping. My adductors and hamstrings are still feeling a bit sore but I am managing just fine. Thank you Joon for fun sessions like today, where I learned something new and giggled!

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day twenty

Woo hoo I reached TWENTY sessions!! Maybe this is why Joon set up an ass kicker of a workout today- to celebrate. Of all the sessions I have had, todays was by far the worse one yet. Yes yes, I know I always say something similar to that in almost every post but this time, I truly mean it. Today was the first time I have ever, and I mean EVER, felt like crying during a workout/WOD. The coaches always joke about it from time to time saying it's ok if you want to cry, just don't give up. Sometimes these WODs are a mental game and you just have to push through the suck, it makes you mentally tougher or so they say. But today I was breaking, mentally I was struggling and breathing was so erratic. With every movement something in my body was yelling at me and my mind couldn't deal with it, a few times I expressed to Joon I want to cry and he simply said, "don't let it break you." So I fought against the tears, and I promise you I was literally on the verge of shedding tears as I squat yet another squat, but instead I just grunted, moaned, and exhaled loudly. So here is what sent me over the edge:

Warm-up: 500m Row
Extended Warm-up:
     Tabata Russian KB Swings 25#

10 Rounds of:
20 Sec Max Effort on AirFit
3 Min Rest- Perform 10 Back Squats
(5 Rounds @ 105# / 5 Rounds @ 85#)

Results of AirFit (in Calories)
1- 11.3
2- 15.5
3- 9.5
4- 11.8
5- 11.8
6- 10.5
7- 12.3
8- 11.3
9- 11.2
10- 13.4

This is pretty much all I did and it was utterly horrible. My legs, primarily my quads, hated not only Joon but myself. If you have never gone max effort on the AirFit (Airdyne), you've been warned. To do that than have a 3 minute rest period where I had to perform 10 back squats within that time frame was so brutally hard, not just physically but mentally. The end result is that I did do it, I never gave up and I did my best giving my all. Even on a day I walked into the gym and told Joon beforehand that I was feeling quite tired and that I didn't know if I COULD give me best. Under those circumstances I still performed well. Could have I done better? Probably. My body can, but it's the beast of the mind that holds me (us) back. Besides my second round where I got 15.5 calories, I managed to get a big number on my very last round. We can dig deep when we try.

When it was all done I laid there on the floor for a bit and caught my breathe and whined in discomfort. My first attempt in getting up failed with me just falling right back down, I was experiencing spaghetti legs. After a few more minutes I managed to get myself up and moving around, with a couple of close calls. Once I got to my car though I have to admit that I did get all watery-eyed. This was a very tough workout for me but I am happy I did it and didn't let my mind stop me. Happy Twentieth Session Joon! :)

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

appreciation

I watched a documentary about a 13 year old girl from Holland, who has been sailing since the day she was born, wanted to sail around the world solo. I was instantly hooked to the screen and couldn't stop watching. At a young age she knew she wanted to be the youngest person to do this. She worked little odd jobs to make some money to buy a boat that she and her father fixed up. She set out on her own to find sponsors and to plan her own route. Her father at first didn't think she'd accomplish this, but she did. When she contact the school to have them give her the curriculum she would need for the next two years, that was where she hit her first road bump. Family services were called and for a year they battled with the court. At the end the court said that she is best left with her father and could continue on with her sail. She departed shortly after at the age of 14. Her name is Laura Dekker and she's an inspiration.

After watching the documentary I thought about it and how remarkable it is for such a young person to truly know what they want to do. And not only know, but then not wait until they were older to do it and work for it now. At the age of 13 I was so far from that sort of maturity, I had no clue what I wanted out of life. I am now in my 30's and I have only begun to grasp at what I want. The beauty of this is that there is no set time in life where you need to have it figured out. We all have different journeys that lead us to new and different experiences. Some start early, and others later. There are many times when I wish I knew half the crap I know now at an earlier age. How different my life would most certainly be but what would I have missed out on if I did? There is no point in having regret in life experiences. You take what has happened, you learn from that experience, and than you apply it to your future and move on.

I am feeling a lot of appreciation right now for what I do have, for what I have experienced, and for all those who have and are helping me along in my journey. I feel fortunate to be part of a place I had driven by a million times and never noticed until I looked for it. This place has been my sanctuary, a place where I have experienced a lot of growth and have made some wonderful friendships. It's essentially become my fitness family. I could go down an enormous list of some really exceptional members that continually inspire me but that would require a lot of typing and a lot of reading on your part. I do want to recognize two important people though, and that would be Coaches Tony and Joon. I think the cosmos aligned everything right up to them becoming business partners in order for me to find them. Without them, their chats, their knowledge, the atmosphere they've created and continue to feed, I don't know that I would have ever found my path. You both have opened my eyes, have and continue to teach me what I am capable of, and are so dedicated to your passions. There are no amount of words I could EVER type to share my appreciation for the two of you. But thank you for everything you do for all of us at CFST and beyond.

Feeling appreciation is such a positive energy. You can't appreciate something or someone and be full of anger and hate. If you are surrounded by negative energy and want a change in your life, find something/someone to be appreciative of and focus your energy on that. I promise you that all the people and/or things that are negative will slowly drift away. To my followers and to my random readers, thank you. Even though this blog was started for myself the feedback I get from you who have learned something from me or has been inspired by my experience continually drives me to continue. Your words are always kind and positive, and always appreciated!

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

running clinic: week one

Today was my first running class with Tony at CrossFit Stumptown. Lucky for me he has a four week (at once a week) class to help members who want to learn how to properly run. After warming up, he recorded us running and than showed us what we did right and what we did wrong. Then he had us run through some drills. I wasn't expecting too much from the first day of class but believe it or not I really noticed a difference in how my body felt as I ran. Joon has been helping me work on my endurance and agility, and I think now is a good time to let Tony mold me into a better runner. I have a bad habit of being a heal striker and I am shuffler. The drills today had me landing differently and picking my feet up. My shins are a little sore, but nothing compared to what I have felt before after a CrossFit WOD. At the end of this month I am hoping with practice I will become a more efficient runner and get started in training again for another 5k. I'll keep you posted!

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day nineteen

Today's session was probably one of the best ones yet! I really worked through some of the suck and amazed myself with exceeding both my and Joon's expectations, though I am sure mentally he was expecting more from me and got it. He's been really driving home how I need to learn to keep moving when I begin to feel the burn, which is the lactic acid build up in muscles, and utilize it for energy. I have a tendency to stop the moment I feel it and rest, but you never push through that threshold if you don't learn to embrace it and work through it. So I did today, through out the whole session and you know what? I survived and STILL had energy for more. It was crazy how I made myself keep going, what a mental game it is but so absolutely doable. Here's what happened:

Warm-up: 500m Row
Extended Warm-up:
     8 x 20m Skips
     4 x 20m (3) Overhead Walking Lunges + (1) Overhead Squat

A] 10 Front Squats @ 85# (Unbroken)
      2 Min Explosive Step-ups >20      Did: 35/43/47
      Rest 3 minutes between sets

Rest 5 Minutes

Then,
B] 30/30 KB Clean + Press 18#
     100 Total Reps / Timed: 14:09

Ok, for starters the skips are getting easier in one way as I am moving quicker but they are sucking when I get tired. Joon calls it quicksand and that is exactly how it feels. I start off explosive and high and by the time I reach the end of the 20 meters I am barely coming off the ground. The overhead lunges/squat were a tad challenging, breathing wise, but I felt good. My knees didn't bother me at all and I was able to get low. It's almost unbelievable that I am doing lunges with no knee issues. I did, however, begin to feel the lateral sides of my feet, more like a cramping feeling.

In part A I was pretty impressed with myself for doing 10 unbroken front squats three times with 85#. Just to think a week ago this WAS my 1RM weight. How do I do this? Over and over again I keep outdoing myself and Joon says I'll hit a point where these increases will slow down but when? I love hitting new PR's. Anyway, by the third set of front squats I was battling the suck big time. My quads were burning for sure but that was the least of my problems, I could feel myself wanting to panic breathe. When I recognized the feeling and fought back with myself mentally and said "NO!" I took a deep breathe and did another squat, slowly I was counting down but not before the panic breathing tried manifesting into something else. Having the bar right up against my throat is not a comfortable feeling, as anyone who is familiar with front squats are aware of, but try having a mind that tries to convince you that it's not a bar and rather someones hands around your neck. I literally started feeling like someone was trying to choke me. What I am proud of is that I didn't let that feeling take over, I took another deep breathe did my last two squats and dropped the bar. I didn't let the feeling win over me, I took control. I took a moment to gather my thoughts and take a few more breathes before moving on.

The explosive step-ups were definitely challenging and I focused hard on just working through the leg burn. Joon has a way of knowing when to say something, and what to say to keep myself focused and moving. When I could feel myself wanting to stop because my legs are burning or tired, I would push on to do at least 2 more before stopping to catch my breathe. With each round he would tell me to increase it by one but I went beyond that each time. I wanted to do more than one, I wanted to prove it to him but also to myself.

Part B was probably the hardest part of todays session, physically. We attempted to do 25# KB but I couldn't control the movement of two of them at the same time. So we opted down to 18# where I felt I had better control. But don't be fooled by the weight, after just a couple of rounds they began to feel extremely heavy. I now have bruises on my shoulders and wrists from this very movement. I call them Joon's twisted humor 1, 2, 3, and 4.

I'd say all in all it was a good session where I think I am finally seeing and believing my progresses!

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

confidence

There are moments in our lives where we have a negative conversation with ourselves, even when you don't realize you are doing it. We think we aren't strong enough, brave enough, pretty enough, smart enough, you fill in the blank. We self-doubt and then compare ourselves to others. We all do it whether you want to admit to it or not. The key is recognizing when you are doing it, acknowledge it, and then move on and/or change your tone. Experience has taught me that building confidence helps deter those negative conversations I would have. I would easily find myself envious of others accomplishments, relationships, experiences, you name it and I was probably wishing I were them. At CrossFit I would see some of the other ladies lift heavy or do movements that I couldn't even imagine ever doing, and sometimes still think that way. I couldn't see myself getting that dream job, or experiencing that once in a lifetime trip, or doing a push-up. But something has changed, I am changing, the way I think is changing.

The change is happening because I am becoming more confident in my abilities. I stopped looking to others for my happiness and began looking within. This has been an ongoing project with myself for a while now but recently I seem to have taken an enormous step towards gaining more confidence. I don't know if it's any one singular moment or a culmination of many, but I don't feel envious of anyone anymore. I realize that what others have and experience is an outcome of their own stories and I need to write my own that is of me. I am working towards my Bachelors in something that I am most certainly passionate about. I have many different relationships that I am very proud of and cherish. And even though nothing in my life is quite perfect I am happy with how everything is.

When it comes to CrossFit I have realized that my confidence level has gone far and beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I'm no longer afraid to try to do a movement or to lift a heavy bar. I may have a moment of doubt but I continuously prove to myself that I am fully capable. Those ladies I use to look at with envious eyes are now inspirational to me. Because not only do they give me a sense of awe, I know that with hard work and a willingness to not give up, I can reach their level. The more I keep proving to myself that I can do this or that, the more my confidence builds.

Anyone can build confidence, it just takes you willing to try and to keep trying even when you fail. We don't learn from sitting back and watching others succeed, we learn from doing for ourselves. So whatever your goal/dream/aspiration/etc is, get out there and try. Write your own story, don't live your life through someone else's.

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day eighteen

I think Coach Joon is trying to kill me, no seriously guys he is! Ok, he's not but today I really felt like I was literally moments from death, more than once. But hey I survived to live another day and probably another session of evil torture. LOL. I do actually appreciate being pushed even when at the moment I am feeling utterly miserable. I am exceeding the boundaries I thought I could never pass and I am always surprising myself. Joon always states he knows I have it in me, and slowly I am believing him but sometimes I just don't feel that confident until I actually prove it to myself. This is what I did today:

Warm-up: 500m Row

4 x 30/30 Row [2 Blocks <130m]
First Block: 145, 141, 138, 138
4 Min Rest
Second Block: 147, 133, 108, 135

6 Min Rest

KB Ladder @ 35# (5 - 10 - 15 - 10 - 5):
Swing
Goblet Squat

4 Min Rest

4 x 30/30 DB Push Press + "Hell" Rest

25 Raised Push-ups

Cool Down:
100 Calories AirFit (Easy/Moderate)
Finished in 15:04

Ok, so with the rowing 30 seconds on and 30 seconds off going all out was the first part of my death! I had to go full capacity and give everything I had and in the the first block I did. By the time I had to do the second block I did my best to give my all but I was seeing stars, getting side stitches, and breathing heavily. I was learning to push through my threshold, this shit is no joke! After my 6 minute rest I had to do the KB ladder and that proved to be difficult as well. I didn't feel completely ready or rested, I ended up taking far too many breaks but I pushed on through. The next malicious, I mean movement Joon had me do was dumbbell presses. I started with just 10# weights and quickly had to move to 5# weights. For 30 seconds I had to do presses than for 30 seconds hold the damn weight up above my head. Listen, there is NO exaggeration with it being called "Hell" Rest because it truly is. I absolutely sucked at this and kept dropping my arms down and whined the entire time. Sorry Joon, and thanks for putting up with me. The push-ups weren't so bad but still hard and then the AirFit I took it easy on.

All in all it was a good session, pushed through some uncomfortable moments and I know I am capable but I still play the mental game. I am amazed at how good at rowing I am getting, I am curious to see how long I can go before I can't take it anymore. I may have to try that some day.

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

labor day wod

Today I took part in the Labor Day WOD at CrossFit Stumptown. I walked into the box with a headache trying to take over and not feeling very motivated. But since I missed Sunday's WOD and it had been 3 days since I worked out I had to make myself get and go, and do it! And now I can say I am glad I did. It wasn't a crazy tough one but definitely one for endurance and to mentally keep you going. Here is what we did:

Teams of 4:
AMRAP (reps) for 30 minutes of:
400m Run
Box Jumpovers
Burpee Pull-ups
Wall Walks

Each member of the team will be doing one of the movements. While the one is out on the 400m run, the rest of us had to count our reps, when the runner comes back than we rotate until the next runner comes back, so on and so forth. In my team there was Candace, Amy, and Zoey. These women were awesome, we were all strong in at least one of the movements and maybe not so much in another. We all kept moving and doing our best. Amy even did 53 box jumpovers in one of the rounds, happened to be when I was running. Candace was pretty proud of herself for running the entire 400m without stopping- right on girl! And Zoey never stopped moving, every time I looked her way she was pushing through it and that was awesome. My proud moment was that I did the box jumpovers without doing step-ups, not even once. I had two mishaps in my first round that caused Tony to come and check on me. Happy to say my shins didn't suffer at all, though I think I stubbed my big toe pretty hard. At the end of the WOD we tallied up our reps and our team got 576 reps in 30 minutes. I am going to say I am pretty proud of us. Good job ladies!

Labor Day 2014- Post WOD

goodbye nicole

Last Thursday, as you may have read, I attended the Memorial Service of my friend Nicole Laube who was murdered on August 19th. Prior to attending the service I was quite nervous for many reasons. I wasn't sure how I would feel and act, and I hadn't stepped foot inside a church in quite a while. I knew that there would be a lot of praying and singing, and sometimes being in the presence of hundreds of others doing that can make me slightly uncomfortable. Well, I have driven by Southwest Bible Church a billion times and never really knew how big it was until I walked in. Over a 1,000 people attended Nicole's Memorial Service, most of them were family, friends, and acquaintances, but there were also those who heard of her death on the news and felt compelled to come and pay their respects. The media was there as well recording the service.

Mondo turns out couldn't come, I think the whole situation was a little too much for him to handle and so he stayed home with his partner for comfort. Connie and I found a spot among the masses to sit and watch a video montage of home recordings of Nicole and her family through the years of her growing up. We laughed at some, cried at some, smiled at others. Once the church filled up the family made their entrance through a side door and I finally couldn't hold it in anymore. Seeing her family made it so real at that very moment, my friend really is gone. The service began with a prayer which I found oddly comforting but also quite emotional. We than stood up as the band played four songs which many people joined in on singing along. Several family friends took turns sharing stories of Nicole's life, her best friend gave an emotional testament of Nicole and how strong she was, and then her parents took their turn followed by her husband. Because the service was taking place on what would have been Chris and Nicole's 4th Wedding Anniversary, he shared with us the gift that would have been presented to her. It was a memory book of photos that he had put into video with music. It was beautiful. We then ended the service with another message, prayer, and two more songs. In all it took 3 hours, probably the longest service I had ever attended.

As emotional as you can imagine this was, we laughed quite a bit. The stories we heard of Nicole as a child were incredible. The battles she had fought growing up for her life, three of them, and survived stronger each time are miracles. She never wavered, she always smiled and remained positive. People like Nicole are rare, what a gift she was. I left the service wishing I had known more about her before her death. That we had made those plans to get together again. I can sit here and wish for something that will never come to be, but instead I will be grateful for the time I did have and the memories I will always have. It is sad it takes a loss for you to remember how precious life is, and how short it can be for some. I have been making an effort to reconnect and spend time with friends whom I haven't seen or heard from in a while. I don't want to ever regret not having made time for someone I care about. I urge you to do the same.

not ready to say goodbye

In a matter of hours I will have to walk into Southwest Bible Church in Beaverton with my good friends Mondo and Connie, among the many family members and friends who love and miss Nicole Laube. Tonight is her Memorial Service and I find myself unable to really articulate how I feel. I mean I am filled with sadness for her loss, anger for the person who took her from us, and fear of how I will feel when I am in the presence of so many people who are feeling the same way. But how do I really feel? I don't know. I feel so numb. I am still feeling utterly confused that someone murdered my friend. Why? What purpose did anyone have to do that? Things like this and moments like these are what make me lose faith in humanity. We've become a world, mostly a nation, of people who don't care about others anymore. We've taken value out of life, out of family, out of community and we're falling apart at the seams. There is so much ugliness in the world today, so much hatred, greed, and we lack love and compassion. But I won't give in to the majority, I will continue to smile and to love.

Today I have to say goodbye to a friend who was a beautiful mother and wife. I have to witness the sadness and pain in her kids faces. I am going to have to feel everything I have been holding inside. I know I will cry along with everyone else, and I will probably cling onto Mondo's hand and hug Connie. We will get through this just as everyone else will. One breathe at a time, one tear at a time, we're not alone in this. But instead of sulking in anger and sadness, and asking God why this happened, I am going to celebrate Nicole. I am going to remember that her memory needs to live on, for her kids, family, and friends. Nicole may not be here in body anymore, but she is most certainly here in spirit.

Nicole Laube, you are greatly missed but you will NEVER be forgotten. May you rest in peace, may your kids feel your love in their hearts for the rest of their lives, and may your family and friends find comfort and peace. We love you.

4/10/85 - 8/19/14

one on one: day seventeen

I went to bed last night feeling pretty sore and thinking that todays session would just plain suck. Then I woke up and logged in and saw that the WOD for the day was "Fight Gone Bad" which I did once before back in July 2013. I was a little bummed because I would miss this WOD since I have other plans for this evening and figured my session with Joon would entail something else. Will it did not, in fact, as soon as Joon learned I would not be back this evening he said that todays session would be "Fight Gone Bad" and I was both excited and scared. The last time I did this WOD my rep count was 137, mind you I had only been doing CrossFit for about a month and half and it was heavily modified. Today I did the WOD, and not only did I RX it but I PR'd it by 41% and got 193 reps. I can not express how unbelievably surprised and happy I am. Joon gave me a goal of 200 reps and though I was like "sure" in my heart I didn't think I'd get that high. I just wanted to beat my old record. So here is what "Fight Gone Bad" is:

Three Rounds of (1 Minute @ Each Station):
Wall Ball 14#
Sumo Deadlift High Pulls (SDHP) 45#
Box Jumps 20"
Push Presses 45#
Row (for calories)
Rest 1 Minute
(These weights are for women)

I surprised myself with getting 21 wall balls in the first round, I moved without stopping and even got low on my squats (yay!). Joon and I believed the SDHP and push presses would be where I would excel but I found them the hardest part of this WOD. I couldn't do more than 3-5 reps at a time, and I can easily blame it on being sore or tired but I am not exactly sure why it was so hard. This whole thing sucked! I was consistent with my rowing and have definitely gotten more efficient at that. And I didn't do one step-up on the box jumps, I jumped the entire time. I'd say overall I am pretty impressed with myself and glad that Joon had me do this WOD. I know next time I will do more than 200 reps!

This photo was taken from Pinterest.

one on one: day sixteen

I typically have plenty to say but I am at a loss of words right now. This has been somewhat of a trying week and I find myself with little energy to try and find something to share. So I will lead right into what I did in today's session:

Warm-up: 500m Row

Extended Warm-up:

     8 x 20m Skip

     4 x 20m (3) Overhead Walking Lunge + (1) Overhead Squat

Terrible 2's

In 2 minutes complete 2 rounds:

     100m Row (sprint)

     2 Burpees

     2 Slam Balls (20#)

x2 (1st time had 19 seconds left, 2nd time had 26 seconds left)

Rest 5 minutes

50 Elevated Sit-up/Ball Toss

Then,

     5 minute AirFit Cool Down

I am appreciative of Joon's help and have definitely noticed changes in myself. I was pretty proud of myself in completing the Terrible 2's portion within the 2 minute time cap. And that I did all of the lunges with no knee pain. I hope to have more to say in my next posting, until then, be sure you hug your loved ones often!